Finding a New Church Home

Chris & I have wildly different ideas on what makes a good church. We were both raised as Baptists, however my viewpoint took a big swing at around age 18 to more of a Pentecostal slant. The church we have been going to is a nice southern baptist church, but the church is large and i don't feel like I belong...Chris is content.

We tried out this one. It meets in a restaurant...has about 60 people in the congregation..sweet as could be and I could feel God there. WE both felt at home and accepted, and thats a lot considering this is Georgia, and Chris was one of the only black people there..but they treated him with the love and respect that I wanted to see. And people seem to act different when we are an interracial couple vs same color couple sometimes, so it was with great relief that I settled down to hear the word and praise music.

I love this church, I think I could be a part of it, but Chris is NOT ready to make a choice and thats fine. I just hope he lets me go back and visit because I think I could start singing again there at that church vs the large church and I miss singing in church so much!

EXERCISE is the key!

Since they discovered I was dehydrated and gave me fluids, my weight has jumped up about 7lbs! I also haven't exercised. I have noticed that when i don't exercise, my weight richochets about, varying by large amounts. It doesn't seem to matter that my calories stay consistant in line with what my nutritionist wants. Why is that? Being accountable, here is what I ate today:

Breakfast: Carbmaster yogurt & a 1oz piece of cheddar cheese
Snack: White cheddar cheezits(a serving)
Lunch: 1 piece of pizza(yeah yeah carbs)
Snack: White cheddar cheezits(a serving)
Dinner: 4oz turkey breast & some peas

And of course, lotsa decaf coffee with sf creamer & splenda!

So, NO one knows whats Wrong with Me!

Since I fainted in Walmart, my extremities(i.e. arms & legs) have been tingling with this weird sensation of hot/cold, numb/not numb kind of deal going on. Went to the ER on Thursday night...for 5 hours! They ran all kinds of blood tests, gave me a bag of fluid, and a brain CT. Apparently I have a brain>>>ITS BEEN CONFIRMED! however they cannot figure out why this is happening. They think its due to the surgery and they think its because of some type of vitamin deficiency. They were leaning towards B12, however 2 months ago my b12 was sky high(which is perfectly fine). Wrote my nutritionist and asked her.

She says could be dehydration with the fainting issue...to start drinking even more fluids(I already get like 150 to 200 oz a day!) and to add in Powerade Zero. Also she sent me a list of the vitamins that my doctor doesn't regularly check and it very could be a vitamin deficiency. I am wondering about Thiamine because tingling in the extremities is a very big indicator.

I guess we'll find something out on Monday. Oh, yeah...and I'm not pregnant. Not only did they test that...so did I. And I know I'm crazy...but..I am a little happy about it, and a little sad.

Recipe for my Turkey Burger Alfredo w/Whole Wheat Noodles

1lb Turkey burger
1 medion Onion
4 cloves garlic(I like it garlicky..you can make this optional or go with it)
1 can rotel
Bertolli Sun Dried Tomato Alfredo Sauce(I'm no Betty Crocker)
Some type of Whole Wheat Noodles

Saute the turkey burger until browned, then add the onion and garlic and wait until they are cooked through. Add in the Rotel. In another pot, make sure you already have water boiling for the noodles and throw them in...cook the noodles around 16 min. After the Rotel has simmered with the turkey meat, gently add in the alfredo sauce. Let it all simmer together for about 15 mins and serve over the Whole Wheat Noodles. I don't know the caloric info...but its all healthy food! Add veggies as desired to this dish! Voila...dinner is served.
Its really really good! Sorry no pic...maybe later.

Today...

Sorry I haven't written anything for a day or so. I haven't been feeling so well. On Monday, I fainted in Walmart. I have had the situation since surgery where I get dizzy and disoriented when I stand up..thats nothing new. I have fainted before since surgery because my blood pressure continues to be too low. However, I stood up in Walmart and promptly fell on my butt. My vision went, my hearing went, and then my legs went! I hit the floor and immediately snapped out of it. Went and took my blood pressure, and this time it was high for me. So it appears that it is cycling. Surgeon on call says it has NOTHING to do with my gastric bypass. Yeah..right. I am seeing a new pcp on 10/20(Monday) so hopefully they can help me. Their office staff says the doctor has a lot of experience with WLS patients so here's hoping.

My finances are irritating me and I am really feeling bad because I have been paying on my credit cards the best I can right now, but I have neglected my husbands...& that has come to a head. The worst part is the hubbie is not mad at me at all..but I feel so guilty and selfish. We are now doing the bills together(I feel so irresponsible.) Him being nice about it only makes me feel even worse, ya know.

We received a real blessing this week...so things aren't all bad. We were looking into Angel Food Ministries and were going to try to get in this week(but the funds are low!) and so I wrote the church we would work with that I would like to know the deadline for Nov and we would start then...and lo and behold, they bought us a box just out of being nice. How sweet and how timely!
So next week...the cubbards will be full! We are not poor...just facing really hard times. This Friday...we will get paid and things will be a little better...even more better if Chris's raise kicks in...if not...still better.

So..in an effort to remain accountable to you...here is the total damage for the day:

Breakfast--2 boiled eggs and a carbmaster yogurt
Lunch--5 pc of Morningstar Faux Buffalo nuggets and green salad w/thousand island dressing
Snack--Hot Chocolate NSA
Snack-Carbmaster Yogurt
Dinner--Turkey Alfredo Pasta w/Rotel(recipe to follow)
Snack--2 cups of NSA Hot Chocolate

Totals: 1245 cals, 56g fat, 90 carbs(way high), 85g protein(all right!)
Exercise: 45 mins elliptical, 30 mins treadmill, 20 mins strength training
Vitamins: all in(oops...let me take the last two calcium)
Water-all in

Isn't it funny I can drink that NSA Hot Chocolate and only sometimes I dump on it? Go figure.

UGH...Dumping on 7g sugar!

Yeah..so my life has come down to this. Dumping on NO Sugar Added Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate!
How pathetic am I? I am sitting here with sweat running down my face and my stomach in a knot!
The funny? I thought I didn't dump on sugar!
OH YEAH..I do.

Lazy Sunday

Its been a tremendously lazy day! I loved every minute of doing nothing at all. How often do we get to do that? Never! I think my biggest accomplishment today was washing the ever growing mound of dishes that were in the kitchen. Christen & I were having a silent fight over who was going to do them: he won!

After conquering that mound of dishes, I went & took a nap! But I can say I did do my hour of exercise today, so I felt justified! I am still avoiding doing my homework. It is amazing how many excuses I can come up with for avoiding things I don't want to deal with today.

I will be adding more photos to the site as soon as a)I take some, and b) I figure out how to load them into the posts. So far, I haven't figured that out. Some of the blogs that I follow have some wondrous recipes that I need to try next week. You know I got out my paper and pen and wrote them down, right? Oh, I did.
They look awesome!

And here is the best news! I am down 3 lbs this week so far! Official weigh in is tomorrow at 4:30am! Yes, that is am! So...I was up 11lbs after coming off the depo shot so this puts me right back where I was..199lbs. I'll take it...but its coming down baby!

Food for Today:

2 fried in smart balance light eggs
3 pc turkey bacon
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1/2 banana with 2 tsp pb
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5 pc Morningstar Farms faux chix nuggets & a salad w/thousand island dressing
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1/2 banana
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3 oz baked chicken & salad w/thousand island dressing
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pc of string cheese(trying to bring protein count up)
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No Sugar Added Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate(its cold today)

Total Damage: 1055 calories, 58g fat(14g over goal), 80g carbs(20g over!), 61g protein(below target of 65).

Exercise: 30 mins elliptical, 30 mins treadmill(walking today)
Fluids: Goal Met & Exceeded
Vitamins: IN!

Thoughts for the day: Today was good! I exceeded my fat and carbohydrate goals, but stayed within my calorie target for the most part. I exercised for an hour which is one of my goals, and actually relaxed and tried not to worry at all today. Pretty happy with my day, actually. How about you guys??

Staying Accountable: Food & Exercise for Today

Breakfast
1 egg with cheese cooked w/a teaspoon of smart balance light
some ketchup
2 pcs of butterball turkey bacon
1/4 cup no sugar added peaches
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Snack
2 tsp peanut butter
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Lunch
5 pcs of Morningstar Farms Faux Buffalo Chix Nuggets
(dipped with ketchup & mustard)
1/4 cup peaches
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Dinner
5oz chicken(crockpot) and a tiny bit of rice(which I later dumped on)
a bit of salad w/thousand island dressing
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Snack
No sugar added hot chocolate

Totals for today: 983 calories, 39g fat, 72g carbs, 74g protein(logged into dailyplate.com)
Exercise: 30 minutes of walking the streets with the hubby
Vitamins: All done
Water/Liquids: All done
Thoughts on Food: Today, I feel... accomplished because I stuck to my caloric goals, even when I didn't want to. I am figuring out that I tend to overeat at work out of boredom. I really need to speak to my manager about needing more work to keep my hands busy.I also think I stress eat. When I am at home...less stress, less food in my mouth.

9 Months Since Weight Loss Surgery(RNY)

So, its been 9 months(1/28/2008) since I had weight loss surgery. In so many ways, I have changed. In so many ways, I don't see the change. Others see it, others comment on how different I look, how different my actions are, but..me? I still see that 315 lb, 5'3 woman staring at me in the mirror. I have lost now 111 lbs. That should make me happy, right?
And it does.

I have changed. I know that mentally. I am smaller. I can run now, not just walk on the treadmill. I can lift weights, I can exercise just like any other normal American. However, I still see that fat woman in the mirror. How can I say "fat"? Isn't that a hurtful word? Absolutely...but that is how I felt about myself. Hurtful, embarrassed, sad, and extremely depressed.

People can say that the surgery is "the easy way out" all they want...but they don't understand what big people deal with. Its not just the weight. Its the weight, its high blood pressure, its diabetes or the fear of developing it, its sleep apnea(a condition in which it is hard to sleep and if you do, you wake gasping for breath), its barely having the energy to make it down the hall. When you can understand that, when you have experienced that, then and only then can you say I took the easy way out.

Easy? I still have to work for every pound that I lose. I exercise at least an hour(at least I try to) every day. I eat around 900 to 1000 calories a day. My mind tells me that I want more..but my body knows better. It is a struggle, but I still do not regret my surgery. It was a blessing, and I would do it again in a minute.